do you make time for friends?

article by T. Suzanne Eller

God and girlfriends. Does He really care about that? I think He does. In John 13:34 Jesus instructed his disciples to love each other. You see, he knew something that the disciples just hadn’t grasped yet, though he had told them over and over again.

He wouldn’t always physically be with them, and hard times were ahead. So friendship — true friendship — would be a necessity.

You and I have our faith. We have our family. But true friendship can be another gift in that paradigm. Of laughter. Of rest. Of encouragement. [Fill in the blank, because it offers so much.]

But the reality is that things get in the way. We want to do it. We need it. But what gets in the way. . . and what can we do about it?

1. We forget the art of self nurturing

We tackled this topic on Moms Together some time back. Many moms said they struggled because of time, or busyness, or felt like they were juggling too much at one time, but a couple of beautiful moms said, “I feel guilty when I take time for myself”.

If you are nurturing everyone else, pouring out daily, and never filling back up, it’s not a gift to you or your family. At some point you become depleted.

Your children are a gift, but they are also a full-time job. And every job has breaks and vacation time. It looks different for you perhaps, because you have to be intentional about it. You schedule a weekly lunch with a friend, or exchange a play date with a trusted neighbor so you can go to a movie with a friend.

Whatever it is, gift or not, that makes you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no room for nurturing your body spiritually, physically, or emotionally needs a gut check. And if that workaholic boss is you, fire her!

Ask: How can a nourtured mom or wife change the dynamics of my home?

2. The Hamster Wheel

When my children were younger I felt like I had criss-cross marks on my back side from sitting at so many games. If I wasn’t at work, at church, doing laundry, driving my children somewhere, I was at a sporting event. I would come home from work and jump right into the “next thing”.

When I got sick with cancer, life stopped while I went through treatment to save my life. Over the next two years I learned a valuable lesson: Not everything that I did was essential.

We didn’t have to do spring, summer, and fall soccer. We could do one season and have family time the rest.

My house could be clean, but not perfect. I could take time to play.

Rest is good. Eating healthy is good.

I learned during that time to place all of my tasks before the Lord every six months and ask:

• Is this really essential?
• What is my motivation: Am I just trying to fill a need? Was it because I was pressured (no one else can do it like you, Suz)? Was it because it was habit? Was it a true benefit to our family, or did it take more than it gave?
• Am I willing to say “no” to some things so I can say “yes” to things that matter? 

 3. Be yourself

Did you know that comparison is a huge friendship obstacle?

Her kids are perfect (they really aren’t, there is no such thing). She is perfect (see last note). She’s a spiritual giant. She’s gifted. Her house is always clean. She has the perfect marriage (there is that word again).

Not everybody is going to click. But don’t let differences keep you out of a good friendship. My best friend loves solitude and tea. I like roller coasters, hiking, and tea makes me gag. She sees God in every aspect of nature. I just see a tree. I am not afraid and sometimes she is tenative.

But together, we are great. We will never be exactly alike, and it is those differences that delight me about her.

Maybe that spiritual “giant” is exactly the catalyst you are praying for. Maybe her quest for solitude will show you how to slow it down.

Are you willing?

Are you willing to reach out to one new or old friend today? What is one step you can take to knock down the barriers keeping you from a really great friendship?