Planning a Fabulous Party: First Things First

by Mary Carver

Planning a fabulous party without losing your mind...does that sound like wishful thinking?

Do baby showers make you break out in onesie-shaped hives? Does the thought of hosting a Fourth of July barbecue leave you shaking in your flip-flops? Would you rather endure two hours of buzzing arcade games and stale pizza than invite a dozen children to a birthday party at your house?

I’m here to help.

No, I can’t control the weather, teach you to cook like The Pioneer Woman or ban your crazy brother-in-law from all family gatherings. But Ican share some tips that will help you ditch your reluctance (or panic!) for confidence and success.

You just might find yourself enjoying your own party.

After 10 years in public relations – a twisty career path that has included coordinating press conferences, committee meetings, formal dinners and rowdy auctions – I’ve acquired a long list of to-dos and not-to-dos when it comes to planning successful events. But my goal is to speak to your heart, not simply your to-do list.

The truth is the best-laid plans and most meticulous event timeline won’t mean squat if you walk into your event holding a bucket full of outrageous expectations and unprepared for real life.

It might be tempting to race ahead and immediately begin brainstorming shower games or table centerpieces. After all, for some of us, those are the fun parts. (I said some of us!) Before you can get to those details, though – fun or not – you have to make a few decisions about your event, starting with the most basic of questions: What is the purpose of your event?

Are you simply checking “plan annual meeting” off your to-do list?
Are you planning this anniversary party to make someone happy?
Are you hosting the reunion because nobody else would do it?
Are you hoping to show up last year’s neighborhood potluck?
Are you actually one of those people who enjoys planning parties?

These – and anything else you’re willing to admit – are understandable and valid reasons for planning an event. And acknowledging these underlying motives is your first step in assessing your situation and moving forward with confidence.

Once you’ve determined your personal agenda for the event (even if it’s simply to hang out with friends), it’s time to look at the party’s purpose from your guests’ point of view.

You may think it’s obvious what the purpose of your event is, and it might be. But just because a baby shower is designed to celebrate a baby on the way doesn’t mean that’s the only purpose – or the most important one.

For example, your guest of honor may be a young, first-time mother who has no idea how she’ll afford diapers, much less those cute lamps and lovies the baby store says she must have. Or, the mama-to-be might have a fully outfitted nursery and closet full of freshly laundered outfits but no idea what to do with this baby she’s expecting.

Both women have needs that can be met with a baby shower; but while one truly needs essentials checked off of her registry, the other simply longs for practical advice and loving encouragement. The difference changes how you design your party! Knowing the true purpose of your event – from pure celebration or reminiscing between friends to service projects or community building – will inform all of your decisions moving forward.

Whose purpose matters most? Which goal is the real reason for the event? They all are. And while you, as the event planner, may not be equipped to ensure every person’s every goal is met, awareness of agendas and needs in the room is an advantage all successful party planners need.

These expectations – both yours and those of your guests – will determine the success of your party more than any other detail. You can serve the tastiest food and display the craftiest decorations, but if unreasonable or opposing expectations get in the way, your party could be a disappointment anyway. Recognizing the expectations surrounding your party is half the battle.

Next time, we’ll attack the other half of that battle with invitations, food, decorations and more.


Mary Carver is a recovering perfectionist and veteran “I’ll plan the shower!” volunteer. She writes about her faith, family and favorite foods at givinguponperfect.com, and her ebook, Plan a Fabulous Party {without losing your mind}, provides a realistic step-by-step process for planning any kind of party. Get 50% off the book by using the code MOPSPARTY at the link above.

Mary also writes for incourage.me, a DaySpring blog, and lives in Kansas City with her husband and 4-year-old daughter.